Oy-Vey!

With friends and family like these, I ask..... "Who needs enemies?"

Before reading this blog here is some info needed to ensure that the story makes sense.

Lea: Best friend, fearless leader and encourager of all things gutsy
Mom: My Mom. A mischievous sort and not above torturing me slightly for a laugh.
Spiders: Kriptonite

So I was doing some yard work in the back garden and suddenly the largest, hairiest black spider goes scurrying along the wall of my house. Rather than let it go in peace, Lea taunts, encourages me to find that sucker and dispatch him without mercy. After handing me a claw like hoe I do away with the hairy beast in a very un-Buddhist like manner.

Then Lea proceeds to fling it at me! She throws the freaking spider AT me and while I am paralyzed with fear she lays it on my naked knee. I scream and I scream.

Then she shows it to my Mom who proceeds to chase me down with it. I cannot run. I cannot hide. I cannot get away. My screams go without notice. She grabs me from behind and holds the lifeless tarantula to my rib cage. My pleas go unheard. She is unfazed by my screams of "I am going mentally insane!" "Insane!" "You are killing me!"

Then I become aware that my loving and kind husband has reached over the baby to poke me repeatedly in the forehead. (????)

"Amy, Amy" Poke, poke, effing poke. "Are you having a bad dream?"

Uh....yeah. To make things worse, I am now up at 5:11am because I can't get over the desire the murder the both of them with that claw like hoe. Awesome.